{on becoming a pastor's wife}

I used to smoke pot in 8th grade. And if you had asked me then if I thought one day I would be a pastor's wife, I would have blown that joint right in your face. 

But by God's grace, a pastor's wife is exactly what I am. I mentioned in one of my last posts that 2012 was a big year for our family. Patrick became the pastor of our church in August 2012, which meant that Iris was only a few weeks old. I can remember several people asking how I was going to handle that with a new baby, three other kids and Patrick still working as a real estate broker on top of everything else.

Iris at 2 weeks

I can honestly say that God gave me an extra measure of grace during those first couple of months. Iris is a wonderfully calm baby and when she isn't hungry or tired, she is so happy. This was, and still is, such a gift from God. I was also genuinely excited to see what God was going to do in our church and in our family. I trusted that He had called Patrick and the Lord has proven to be faithful to that calling. My faith has been strengthened by the way God has moved in Patrick's life and I am reminded of God's perfect plan and perfect timing. A year ago, I would've grasped and clawed for Patrick the busier he got, demanding that he be home to help me - I mean I just had a fourth baby for cryin out loud - I would have been justified, right? But thankfully, I didn't feel that way and although it was hard at times in those early months, I had a peace in my heart, knowing that this was God's plan and I could rest in His goodness. 
And this journey that we are on has been so good. Our church is in the candidacy phase to become part of the Acts 29 network, and that has been such a blessing. It is an amazing church planting network that supports pastors in their call to shepherd their churches. I am so thankful to be a part of it, especially as I meander this new role of a 'pastor's wife.' I never felt any pressure from our church to be someone that I am not and I am so thankful for that. But I am becoming keenly aware that like anything else, if I am not resting in who Christ has made me, then I will put the pressure on myself. I am a people pleaser by nature, and have to be careful to not fall into that trap. But on the other hand, I want to be willing to give of myself and not hunker down under the guise of protecting my family. It is a fine line between those two and I need the Lord to direct my steps and keep my heart in check. 

Our church is considered a re-plant by Acts 29, since Patrick is now the pastor and the church is under new leadership, and so I am a "church-planting pastor's wife" (sounds complicated). I was pretty stoked to win this book in a random drawing that I stumbled upon the other day over at Kendra's blog. The book I won is The Church Planting Wife: Help and Hope for Her Heart, by Christine Hoover. She blogs at grace covers me and it has been such a source of encouragement to me.

I am looking forward to reading it. I desperately want to glorify God and be a helpmate to Patrick and the good Lord knows that I could use some guidance in this area as it is so new to me. I didn't think that my life would change that much, because I am still me. But my life is different and at times I can't put my finger on exactly why. I am praying that I will glean some wisdom from the other women that have gone before me. 

a new year and a faith strengthened

A new year. I can hardly believe it's 2013. And that it is already February. What?!?! Life most definitely moves faster the older you get...

4 crazy kiddos

A lot changed in 2012. I had baby #4, I became a pastor's wife and I decided to homeschool. Whew. That IS a big year. I spent most of 2012 on a blogging break because I was, and still am, searching for balance in my life. But I am processing what the Lord has been teaching me and thus I am blogging for today. 
I have been learning that my entire Christian life comes down to faith. I know, I know, ground-breaking, isn't it? But as simple as it sounds it has been life-altering and many of the dots of my walk with the Lord have been connected, so to speak. I have realized that the same lie that Eve believed in the garden - that God was withholding something from her and that He couldn't be trusted - is the same lie that is whispered in my ear daily. And the battle in my heart and mind is a battle of faith - who will I believe? Will I believe the lie or will I believe and remember the faithfulness of God? Will I believe that He is withholding something from me or will I believe that He works all things together for my good (Romans 8:28)? A couple of years ago, I can remember crying in the shower and asking the Lord if he was good. Was He really good? I desperately wanted to believe it, but knew that I wasn't living like I did. I would say that I believed in His goodness but when it boiled down to it, did I really? How we view God dictates how we live this Christian life. And I knew that, I knew that if I was questioning God's goodness, it was affecting how I lived. I didn't want to doubt - I wanted to believe in my heart what I knew to be true in my head. I wanted to see fruit of the new creation that Scripture promises. And praise be to God, I believe that He has been answering that prayer ever since - slowing showing me His goodness and faithfulness.
This verse from Romans has made a huge impact on my life:

"Yet [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why 'it was credited to him as righteousness.' The words 'it was credited to him' were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." Romans 4:20-25

I am seeing more and more that God has the power to do what He promises, and my prayer is that I am fully persuaded like Abraham. I believe that He is the one that is faithful. He is the one in whom my heart finds joy and the one in whom I can take refuge. But oftentimes it's a battle to believe these truths in the depths of our soul. In 1 Timothy 6:11-12, Paul exhorts believers to "Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called..."I have to fight to believe the promises of God. When I am tempted to worry, to get angry, to be impatient, I remind myself (with Scripture) that His Spirit is in me and therefore, I have the power to display the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 6), and that I am a new creation (1 Cor 5:17). I fight the lies and the temptation with the truth in His word.

 John Piper's Future Grace has been so helpful in this battle of faith. This book has helped me to see how trusting in what Christ did on the cross is my strength for the future - minute by minute, day by day. It's not just enough to look back and be thankful for what He did. I also have to look forward and trust that He will remain faithful to the end.

"...what it means to believe in Jesus is to experience him as the satisfaction of my soul's thirst and my heart's hunger. Faith is the experience of contentment in Jesus. The fight of faith is the fight to keep your heart contented in Christ - to really believe, and keep on believing, that he will meet every need and satisfy every longing." - John Piper, Future Grace

That's where I'm at. I love to write out my thoughts, so thank you for reading! I have lots more to say, but I am cutting this post off now and plan to write more about the other changes that I mentioned earlier in this post (i.e. homeschooling and being a pastor's wife). 

But I would love to know how you fight the good fight. Leave a comment and let me know! 


Blessings!

Communion

I grew up celebrating the Lord's supper once a year - on Easter Sunday. The deacons would assemble at the front of the church and the pastor would pray and then they would pass out the silver trays holding little teeny tiny wafers and trays with tiny cups of grape juice. That, of course, was always my favorite. The miniature cup of grape juice. I would wait in anticipation til the end of the service so that I could run around with my friends stacking as many tiny cups as I could and comparing my stack to theirs. At least that is what I remember about communion. It was important, it was solemn, it was seldom and it consisted of food and drink in miniature form.

Of course, the older I have gotten, my understanding of the Lord's supper has changed. I used to think I was making a commitment or something. Like when I took the bread and drank the cup I was telling God I would do my best to serve and remember Him. I was going to try harder to be a better Christian.

But when Jesus says in Luke 22:19, ""This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me." He isn't saying, take and now serve me; or take and now be a better person. No, He is saying, this is my body, given for you - it is my grace being poured out so that you can have true life. He lived the perfect life, He laid down his life, and He did this so that we wouldn't have to. We couldn't have done what He did so He did it because He loves us.

We take communion every week at our church. And for the past several months, members have been making the bread that is shared. August has been my month to make it, and I have really enjoyed it. It has made me more mindful - of the simplicity of bread, of its nourishment and source of fuel for the body.  "Give us this day, our daily bread..."
I am thankful that we celebrate the Lord's supper every week and not just at Easter. I am thankful to be reminded of the gospel week in and week out. I am thankful to honor what Christ did on the cross because it means new life; it means grace and mercy. It means forgiveness and new beginnings. And not just at salvation, the gospel is for every day, it is how we are being transformed. By remembering what He did on the cross and beholding His glory, we are being made more like Him.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." 2 Cor 3:18

How about you? How often does your church celebrate the Lord's supper?