a new year and a faith strengthened

A new year. I can hardly believe it's 2013. And that it is already February. What?!?! Life most definitely moves faster the older you get...

4 crazy kiddos

A lot changed in 2012. I had baby #4, I became a pastor's wife and I decided to homeschool. Whew. That IS a big year. I spent most of 2012 on a blogging break because I was, and still am, searching for balance in my life. But I am processing what the Lord has been teaching me and thus I am blogging for today. 
I have been learning that my entire Christian life comes down to faith. I know, I know, ground-breaking, isn't it? But as simple as it sounds it has been life-altering and many of the dots of my walk with the Lord have been connected, so to speak. I have realized that the same lie that Eve believed in the garden - that God was withholding something from her and that He couldn't be trusted - is the same lie that is whispered in my ear daily. And the battle in my heart and mind is a battle of faith - who will I believe? Will I believe the lie or will I believe and remember the faithfulness of God? Will I believe that He is withholding something from me or will I believe that He works all things together for my good (Romans 8:28)? A couple of years ago, I can remember crying in the shower and asking the Lord if he was good. Was He really good? I desperately wanted to believe it, but knew that I wasn't living like I did. I would say that I believed in His goodness but when it boiled down to it, did I really? How we view God dictates how we live this Christian life. And I knew that, I knew that if I was questioning God's goodness, it was affecting how I lived. I didn't want to doubt - I wanted to believe in my heart what I knew to be true in my head. I wanted to see fruit of the new creation that Scripture promises. And praise be to God, I believe that He has been answering that prayer ever since - slowing showing me His goodness and faithfulness.
This verse from Romans has made a huge impact on my life:

"Yet [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why 'it was credited to him as righteousness.' The words 'it was credited to him' were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." Romans 4:20-25

I am seeing more and more that God has the power to do what He promises, and my prayer is that I am fully persuaded like Abraham. I believe that He is the one that is faithful. He is the one in whom my heart finds joy and the one in whom I can take refuge. But oftentimes it's a battle to believe these truths in the depths of our soul. In 1 Timothy 6:11-12, Paul exhorts believers to "Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called..."I have to fight to believe the promises of God. When I am tempted to worry, to get angry, to be impatient, I remind myself (with Scripture) that His Spirit is in me and therefore, I have the power to display the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 6), and that I am a new creation (1 Cor 5:17). I fight the lies and the temptation with the truth in His word.

 John Piper's Future Grace has been so helpful in this battle of faith. This book has helped me to see how trusting in what Christ did on the cross is my strength for the future - minute by minute, day by day. It's not just enough to look back and be thankful for what He did. I also have to look forward and trust that He will remain faithful to the end.

"...what it means to believe in Jesus is to experience him as the satisfaction of my soul's thirst and my heart's hunger. Faith is the experience of contentment in Jesus. The fight of faith is the fight to keep your heart contented in Christ - to really believe, and keep on believing, that he will meet every need and satisfy every longing." - John Piper, Future Grace

That's where I'm at. I love to write out my thoughts, so thank you for reading! I have lots more to say, but I am cutting this post off now and plan to write more about the other changes that I mentioned earlier in this post (i.e. homeschooling and being a pastor's wife). 

But I would love to know how you fight the good fight. Leave a comment and let me know! 


Blessings!

{on ovens, teapots, cleaning and God's light}

We got a new oven this past week, because our old oven was a causality of my last pregnancy. Let me explain. Since I can't drink coffee when I am pregnant (not because I like to avoid caffeine, but because I like to avoid puke), I drink A LOT of tea. I turn into a Brit the minute I conceive. So when I was pregnant with Iris, I boiled water on the stove every morning. I used a whistling teapot that was a wedding gift many moons ago. It was yellow. A happy bold yellow. Since it whistled, I would turn it on and walk away, because you know, that's what moms do - multi task - and come back when I heard it whistle. Well one day, I walked back into the kitchen and I could smell this awful charring smell. I yelled for Patrick because I thought something was about to explode in the oven. And then I realized that my teapot was what was getting charred. Me and my baby brain forgot to put water in the teapot! And I saw that my yellow teapot was melted to the glass top of my stove. Yeah. Awesome. And in the process of prying it off, the entire top cracked. Patrick was so kind about it and we have laughed about it on more that one occasion. I am thankful that he doesn't love things more than me. 
In preparation for the new stove, we had to pull out the old one. And I knew what that would entail. Cleaning. I was not looking forward to seeing what was behind the oven. When I got the mop out and started to clean, I saw a whole lot more that needed cleaning - the baseboards and the cabinets were atrocious. I don't notice them anymore since I don't have a crawler - who knows the last time that I gave it a good scrubbing. Have you ever not wanted to turn a light on because you didn't want to see the dirt that is lurking in the corners? When the light streams through my windows, it reveals so much grossness that sometimes I honestly just shut the blinds so that I don't have to see it. So I don't have to stop and deal with it. And as I was mopping, I started thinking about how much my life resembles that. I oftentimes don't want the light of Christ to shine on the yuckiness in my heart, to reveal the gross sin that is lurking in the corners. In BSF last week, we studied Genesis 4, about Cain and Abel. ^"The Lord said to Cain, 'Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it'” (Genesis 4:6-7). God mercifully warned Cain that he was blind to the sin that was crouching and lurking in the shadows. He warned him that it wanted to rule over him. I have been thinking all week about what sins are crouching at the door and want to rule me? They aren't the "big" sins, but the less discernible ones in my life, that lurk in the shadows of my heart. Impatience, selfishness, self-righteousness... these are what I am tempted to give into. I am constantly teaching my kids that Love is patient and kind, it's not rude. And every time I say it, I am reminded of my own rude and impatient heart. While cleaning, I was reminded of this truth:

"...for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Ephesians 5:8-14

What a wonderful promise. Expose the dark places of my heart to the light of Christ and darkness no longer reigns there. This is because when sin is exposed, when it becomes visible, it is in the light. I may still struggle with it, but I am no longer blind to it. It is there for me to deal with instead of ignoring it, it is there for me to confess and allow the Holy Spirit to clean it out. I want His light to reveal the places in my life that don't bring him honor and that hurt the people around me. Because that's what sin does, it hurts those around you whether you like it or not. Instead I want to love with the love of Christ and not give in to the sin that is crouching in the darkness, I want to be the light. I don't want to be blind or comfortable with the sin in the dark places of my heart. I don't want the sin in my life to hinder me from authentic relationships. So I am opening the windows and letting the light of His Word expose my sin.

"This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:5-9

This promise in scripture is both challenging and comforting. I am going to take hold of His faithfulness and allowing the light of His Word to expose the sin I don't want to deal with, the dirt in the corners. I am relying on his forgiveness to wash and make me clean. And I am praising Him for the times in my life that I am forced to clean and deal with the yuckiness in my life, in the corners of my heart.

Blessings to you this Monday!

 


 

Sin is Never the Only Option

Ever since I wrote this post, I have been chewing on the meaning of this verse from 1 Corinthians:

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

I think this is the verse that people take and misuse the phrase: "God will never give you more than you can handle." But as I stated in the previous post, this verse says nothing about circumstances, it clearly states that you will not be tempted beyond what you can handle. So what does that look like in real life. What are the sort of temptations Paul is talking about? In context, he is reminding the Corinthians of how the Israelites had been an idolatrous, grumbling nation and a lot of the letter was written to rebuke the Corinthians for their selfishness and unwillingness to put others first. He is encouraging them to remember that in their temptation, God, who is faithful, will provide the strength to escape it. Sin will never be the only option for those who are in Christ. When I used to read this verse, I would read temptation and think "big sins," like stealing or lying. But it wasn't until recently, the Lord showed me that it's also talking about our temptation to subtler sins, such as, selfishness, pride and envy. The Corinthians were tempted to only think of themselves and I can surely relate to that.
I can easily fall into the day to day grumbling and complaining. "My life is so hard," "I never get any sleep," "I just want to have an adult conversation," "Can I just pee by myself for once in 5 years?!" But I am rebuked and encouraged again and again by this verse. The temptation to get frustrated with my kids for not obeying, for talking back, for just being kids and asking 1,000 questions a day is not beyond what I can endure with the help of the Holy Spirit. The temptation to cling to "my rights" and to what "I deserve," passes when I stop and ask Jesus for help. And I remember Jesus' words, that those who lose their life for His sake will find it (Mat. 10:39). So this has been my prayer as of late:

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead..." Ephesians 1:18-20

In Christ, I am not tempted beyond what I can bear. Praise Jesus.

 





  

Let the Craziness Continue

Oh blog, how I have neglected thee. I am without motivation or inspiration but there is a reason and I do believe you'll agree it's a pretty decent one.

Never say never. Never agree to be done with kids just so you can get a dog. Don't put God in a box and assume you know His plan for your life. And never say that you don't get morning sickness. Those are just a few lessons I have learned recently. I have been humbled and blessed all within in a matter of months. Because we found out that we are expecting Baby #4 in July.

Saige started spilling the beans right when we found out so I have been having to tell people a bit sooner than I had anticipated. She's a little chatty cathy and told my parents before I even had a chance to! :) But it's wonderful news and we couldn't more thrilled.

So welcome to Crazyville. Stay awhile. Because apparently we are. And here's to letting the craziness continue . . .








   

Excuse me, there is work to be done

I didn't think I could do it. 
I didn't think I could go for a run yesterday afternoon. 
But I put on my running clothes that morning, hoping it would encourage me to go later. Nap time rolled around and I was dreading the inevitable question from Patrick, the one I also needed to answer myself, "Are you going to go for a run?" I sat there and wanted to whine, wanted to make excuses. 
But I decided I would stand up, put on my shoes, put on my earphones and step outside. I wasn't feeling 100% and we still had church that evening so I would be pushing it to get back in time to get showered and all of the kids ready.
But once I stepped outside, I just told myself to do the minimum of 30 minutes. I ended up getting a second wind at 30 and ran for 50 minutes. This wasn't one of my better days considering I am running a half in January, but it'll do. 
You know why?
Because I did it. 
I shut my mouth, turned off my brain and just did it.

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

I don't think it's always a good idea to compare Scripture to physical exercise. But I do think there is something to be said about how our minds affect our bodies and vice versa. This is the type of discipline that I pray seeps into the rest of my life. I tend to over think, over analyze, and over worry. When I am in a funk and don't do the task at hand, I just sink deeper into the bad mood. I want to learn to move through something even though I don't want to do it. I am praying for the discipline to just plow through, despite how I am feeling.  I saw this on John Piper's status the other day and was like, "YES!": 
 

"Tears, I feel you. You make me want to quit life. But excuse me, the Master has given me work to do."

So excuse me, laziness and apathy, there is work to be done. There are lunches to be made, clothes to be washed, friends to be called, and a husband to love. So excuse me, as I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, and get some work done.

 

God DOES give us more than we can handle

Last Friday, I posted an article that talked about the phrase, "God will never give you more than you can handle." Well, I got a couple of emails that were not necessarily in agreement with what this article proposed. So, I thought I would further explain why I don't think we need to use that phrase when we are trying to comfort or encourage someone.
First let me say, I understand, that in essence, this phrase is saying that God will be there in your time of need. And I can understand the intention here. And I agree wholeheartedly that God is there in your time of need, because His Word promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deut. 31:8).
But, this phrase is no where in scripture and I think that it gets confused with 1 Cor. 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." This verse specifically says temptation, not circumstances. God will not allow something in your life, where sin is the only option. We cannot take this verse out of context and make it imply what we want. And you don't want to do that, you know why? Because if God didn't give us circumstances that were more than we could handle we wouldn't need Jesus. And the gospel wouldn't be good news. If God didn't give us more than we could handle, then why would we ever look to Him for help? Why would we cry out to Him in those moments of despair? We wouldn't lean on him for the grace that we need to get through our trials. Paul's statement in this passage from 2 Corinthians clearly shows that God does in fact gave us more than we could handle.

"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

The world tells us that when there is hardship you can do it and you are strong enough to make it through, and that "what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger." And while that line is in over 100 pop culture songs (some of which are favorites of mine), it was first coined by Nietzsche, a staunch atheist. I think this self-reliant thinking has subtly made its way into Christian thinking and although saying "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" isn't always wrong, (if it's said with the understanding that it is through Christ by which we can handle it), it can be misleading. The Bible makes it clear that we are not self-sufficient. We cannot muster up enough will power to become more holy and bear the burden on our own. We need Jesus. And we need to tell others about the hope we have in Him, and not in ourselves.  I think we should err on the side of scripture when we are looking to encourage or comfort someone. Here are some paraphrases from scripture that I would suggest telling someone who is struggling.

• God promises that He will work all things together for His good, for those who love Him. Romans 8:28 
• There is no temptation that is bigger than He is, and He is faithful. 1 Cor. 10:13
• His burden is light and He will give you rest. Matthew 11:28-30
• He is the faithful One and He keeps His promises. Deut. 7:9
• His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in our time of need. 2 Cor. 12:9

Praise God that he gives us more than we can handle all the time. Praise God, that His power is made perfect in our weakness. And let us encourage one another with His Word and say to those who need encouragement, "take heart, for He has overcome the world! (John 16:33)

***There is still time left to enter my Noonday Collection GIVEAWAY!***
Ends Friday, Oct.28

   

It's not their fault

" . . .this releasing of sin and self, wasn't an act of will or effort, but the act of Christ and His grace all-sufficient. Overwhelming grace drew me to the Christ full of glory that I might empty of the self. I empty to become full. Full of grace . . . to fully live."  

- Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

"He must increase, but I must decrease." 

 John 3:30

 

It's not their fault. When I am running late and they forget their shoes. It's not their fault. When I get frustrated because I don't manage my own time, it's not their fault. When I am drowning in piles of laundry and they want to play, it's not their fault. When I want to talk to my friends and they are hungry for a snack, it's not their fault. And when they want to help me in the kitchen, it's not their fault that they aren't that helpful.

But in my sin, I forget this. I want to finish my agenda, my plans, check off the items on my to-do list. And in my selfishness I want to blame them. In my pride, I want a scapegoat for my lack of maturity, for my lack of patience.

The other day I hosted a play group and one of the little boys, who is just a one year old, knocked over his mom's coffee. She helped clean up, she didn't scold him, and then she picked him up and said, "It's okay, it was mommy's fault." 

I was so encouraged by her response. He was too young to understand and she was essentially saying she shouldn't expect him to know. I am thankful for her loving response to him. It showed a wisdom and a kindness that mothers have to learn. In front of all of her friends, she took the blame. She didn't get frustrated by his actions or get embarrassed. And I am thankful to call her friend, a Titus 2 sister.

These 5 years, oh these 5 years that have radically changed me. I am learning that just because we would die for our children and our mama bear instincts can kick it in at the drop of a criticism, being kind and selfless to our children does not come naturally. Despite what "they" tell you, liking your children does not come naturally. Because being kind and selfless doesn't come naturally apart from Christ. Liking our children, enjoying our children, fostering a deep relationship with them is tough stuff. It takes work, it takes dying to self. It takes a whole lot of patience and tedious play. And it takes the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives to not get frustrated, angry and downright selfish. It takes maturity and realizing it's not their fault. It takes remembering the grace of God in our lives in order to extend that grace to little lives he has entrusted to us.


{If you haven't already done so, check out my Noonday Collection Giveaway! Ends Friday, October 28}




Linked up over at Our Goodwin Journey - Just Because Blog party



     

encouraged by looking back

Since Reed will be turning 2 on Sunday, I have been reflecting on the past year. Thinking about how much smoother his second year of life was than his first. About how less crazy I have been compared to the past. I don't know if it's because my hormones are more leveled out, or because I get plenty of regular sleep, and we have a pretty good routine. I am sure it is a combination of all of those things. But one thing that stands out, is that when Reed was about 8 months old, I confessed to my closest friends that I was struggling, that I was having a hard time with 3 kids under 4. I let people in and invited them to pray for me, to be there for me. And I haven't been the same since. I still struggle and I still have days where I am a less than stellar mom, but on the whole I can sense God's healing in my life. I can see where I am more patient and kind than in the past. I can see the negative thoughts coming and cut them off ahead of time. I really believe that God honored my forthrightness. I believe that what His Word says is true.

  "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16

"If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." 1 John 1:6-8

This is a portion from one of my favorite books and it was one of the books that my pastor recommended back at that time. I pray it encourages you as much as it did me.

"Nothing is more supportive of right behavior than open truth. And the baring of the soul to a mature friend in Christ or to a qualified minister enables such friends to pray for specific problems and to do those things that may be most helpful and redemptive to the one confessing. Confession alone makes deep fellowship possible, and the lack of it explains much of the superficial quality so commonly found in our church associations. What, though, makes confession bearable? Fellowship. There is an essential reciprocity between these two disciplines.

Confession is a discipline that functions within fellowship. In it we let trusted others know our deepest weaknesses and failures. This will nourish our faith in God's provision for our needs through his people, our sense of being loved, and our humility before our brothers and sisters. Thus we let some friends in Christ know who we really are, not holding back anything important, but ideally, allowing complete transparency. We lay down the burden of hiding and pretending, which normally takes up such a dreadful amount of human energy. We engage and are engaged by others in the most profound depths of the soul."

Dallas Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines

Communion

I grew up celebrating the Lord's supper once a year - on Easter Sunday. The deacons would assemble at the front of the church and the pastor would pray and then they would pass out the silver trays holding little teeny tiny wafers and trays with tiny cups of grape juice. That, of course, was always my favorite. The miniature cup of grape juice. I would wait in anticipation til the end of the service so that I could run around with my friends stacking as many tiny cups as I could and comparing my stack to theirs. At least that is what I remember about communion. It was important, it was solemn, it was seldom and it consisted of food and drink in miniature form.

Of course, the older I have gotten, my understanding of the Lord's supper has changed. I used to think I was making a commitment or something. Like when I took the bread and drank the cup I was telling God I would do my best to serve and remember Him. I was going to try harder to be a better Christian.

But when Jesus says in Luke 22:19, ""This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me." He isn't saying, take and now serve me; or take and now be a better person. No, He is saying, this is my body, given for you - it is my grace being poured out so that you can have true life. He lived the perfect life, He laid down his life, and He did this so that we wouldn't have to. We couldn't have done what He did so He did it because He loves us.

We take communion every week at our church. And for the past several months, members have been making the bread that is shared. August has been my month to make it, and I have really enjoyed it. It has made me more mindful - of the simplicity of bread, of its nourishment and source of fuel for the body.  "Give us this day, our daily bread..."
I am thankful that we celebrate the Lord's supper every week and not just at Easter. I am thankful to be reminded of the gospel week in and week out. I am thankful to honor what Christ did on the cross because it means new life; it means grace and mercy. It means forgiveness and new beginnings. And not just at salvation, the gospel is for every day, it is how we are being transformed. By remembering what He did on the cross and beholding His glory, we are being made more like Him.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." 2 Cor 3:18

How about you? How often does your church celebrate the Lord's supper?

 
 

  

Everyday Talk

"Parents, when you give in to anger, resentment or self-pity at your children's bad behavior, you make yourself the center of the problem. You are loving yourself first and most. You must love your kids enough to show them the danger of their behavior. They need to see that their first problem is with God, and only secondarily with you. You must be more concerned for them than  for yourself, and you must be concerned most of all for God. By modeling patience, love, self-control—and all the fruit of the Spirit—you teach your children how extraordinary God is." 

- John A. Younts, Everyday Talk

I can still remember the first time I heard, "It's not all about you." It was January 1997, in Austin, TX at the first ever Passion Conference. Some guy I had never heard of at the time, Louie Giglio, was the main speaker and one of the guest speakers was John Piper. One night when Piper was preaching, I can remember hearing for the first time the truth of God's Word in a way that I never heard before - "God is most glorified in you, when you are most satisfied in Him." It was earth-shattering stuff. I also clearly remember realizing that I had been reading the Bible looking for myself in it the whole time. Reading it and thinking, what was it saying to me? Piper explained, we should be reading the Bible searching for Him — His character, His attributes. The realization that "it's not all about me" was life-changing.

That was. gasp. 14 years ago. After all this time, it amazes me how easily I still want it to be about me. I mentioned awhile back that I started reading Everyday Talk after my sister-in-law recommended it. Well, this past week I read Chapter 5, and oh.my.word. It was so challenging. Once again, it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before. But in the context of raising my children, the truth of Philippians 2 just jumped up at me and pierced my heart. 
Younts reminded me that I need to be prepared for my children to sin, to make mistakes. It's crazy to me that I somehow forget this. That I forget that they aren't going to obey perfectly anymore than I do. Their sinning is inevitable. He also said that when they sin, to not take it personally. That's a hard one sometimes. I find that I am indignant with my children when they don't do things I want them to do. I get a little bent out of shape and find that my attitude is pretty pathetic. Its because I am making it about myself. I am putting myself in the center and I am letting their behavior get me in a tizzy. 
But he challenges the reader and says, "You must respond to sin in a way that honors God first, even when all your emotional responses are telling you to lash out or to give up. Trusting God when you are sinned against is an act of holiness. In your everyday life there will come times when your children's sin takes you by surprise. Prepare for that day so that your talk will show your God to be a holy God. Make your everyday talk holy, no ordinary." It's pretty amazing when you take yourself out of the center, especially when it comes to parenting. It quickly reduces the tension in the room. It allows you to think clearly and focus on it being a teachable moment. Thank you, Lord for these words of wisdom and truth. Please, oh, please, help me to remember in those moments. Those difficult moments that catch me off guard. Be quick to call to mind—it's not about me. It's about You.






Linking up over at Good Morning Girls

Wash me, Savior, or I die

I did it. The other day I actually had a minor victory over my crazy-raging-hormonal-sinful self. I was in the van, driving the kids somewhere... I can't exactly remember where, but that's besides the point. I was feeling frustrated? discouraged? angry? I'm not exactly sure, because it was all wrapped up into one tightly wound ball that was about to explode. 
The point is that I was feeling. I was letting my feelings take charge. I was letting my thoughts control my feelings and I wasn't taking them captive (2 Cor 10:5). I wasn't talking to myself, like Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones encourages us to do. I was letting the enemy get a hold of my thoughts, listening to lies and allowing them to dictate my feelings. 
Until I turned on some music for the kids. I did it selfishly at first, because I didn't want to answer one more question about what day it was going to be in 3 days and when is it going to be tomorrow. 
I turned on the new song I had downloaded, Rock of Ages. The verse below just about did me in:

Nothing in my hand I bring

Simply to the cross I cling
Naked, come to Thee for dress
Helpless look to Thee for grace
Foul, I to the fountain fly

Wash me, Savior, or I die

The gospel. The gospel. The gospel. Preach the gospel to yourself, Cheryl. How easily I forget. How easily my mind wanders to the dark and gets stuck there. How easily I will just wallow in self-pity and anger. I need to be reminded, over and over again, to put to death the sin in my life and to put on Christ. Wash me, Savior with your grace and mercy, or I will die a thousand deaths. Wash me, Savior with your blood, your righteousness, or I will live a life of selfish mediocrity. "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires" (Romans 13:14).
Thanking God this morning for His mercy and grace. Thankful that He doesn't give up on me and that He loves me enough to remind me of the good news every day.

Gospel Grace

The Gospel Coalition had this article about Mother's Day and I starred it in my google reader to come back to later. I knew I wanted to come back to it and possibly share it, because it encouraged me greatly. Because although being a mother is beautiful and rewarding, it is also very difficult and can be full of regret and heartache. The last paragraph specifically spoke to where I am in life, for where I struggle in life and where, I believe, might always be a struggle.

"And mom, who fails her children regularly (because that’s everyone else), preach the gospel to yourself this day. If you have any grasp on your reality, you are likely painfully aware of every failure you’ve made with your children. And maybe you are fatigued by the fears of future failure as well. It’s okay that your children expose your own sin. In fact, it’s the mom who doesn’t seem daily aware of her failures that most concerns me. Christ has made the way for you to be at peace. If you sinned against your kids, ask their forgiveness. If you are kicking yourself for your failures, preach God’s grace to yourself. Don’t learn to live with your sin—don’t embrace it with the attitude “that’s just how I am.” But don’t deny it either. Be honest about it. You sinned. You confess. God forgives. You get up and walk forward in confidence. It’s called gospel grace, and THAT is the legacy to leave your children." - Wendy Alsup

I don't know about you, but that encouraged this burdened heart. Gospel grace. Two words that originate from the Father. When I became a mother, I could feel the weight of the world press down. There before me, was this precious baby that I, not only had to keep alive, but also raise and disciple, Lord willing, into a Godly young woman. There had never been anything more important in my life up until that point. Becoming a mother has made me eat my fair share of humble pie. It has made me more aware and more thankful for God's grace, His undeserving favor and forgiveness in my life. And like Martin Lloyd-Jones says, after my failures, I must preach the gospel to myself, and just like any other sin, I cannot stay in that place of guilt. I must ask for forgiveness, thank Him for his grace and move on in confidence. 

"Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment [in Psalm 42] was this: instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says,: “Self, listen for moment, I will speak to you.” Lloyd-Jones

I also read this recently, and it too, reinforces the idea of having to preach the gospel to ourselves, since we naturally want to earn God's forgiveness. It is from Jared Wilson's blog, The Gospel-Driven Church.

"The gospel bids us strive to stop striving, because it takes conscious effort to orient our stubborn selves around the gospel. Our flesh yearns for works, for the merits of self-righteousness, so it's hard work to make ourselves rest in the finished work of Christ. It is a daily work, the labor of crucifying the flesh, taking up the cross, and faithfully following he who has finished the labor."

I pray these encourage you also, as you strive to stop striving and rest in what He did on the cross, as a mother, and as a child of God.

~cheryl~

Grace Upon Grace {Book Club, Part 6}

"My heart says to you, 'Your face, LORD, do I seek' (Psalm 27:8), but I'm desperate to grab someone, anyone, and shake hard, How do I have the holy vision in this mess? How do I see grace, give thanks, find joy in this sin-stinking place?" (page 125)

Ann Voskamp starts chapter 7 by describing the tension she feels when her sons are blatantly sinning against each other. As they are fighting, she is getting frustrated and feeling defeated she asks herself, "where did I go so wrong?" 

I could absolutely relate to this. There will be times where I will have a nice quiet morning before everyone wakes. I drink my coffee slowly. I read. I pray. And I journal. I feel equipped, and ready to begin the day. And then within a few hours of everyone awake, I can feel my neck stiffen and my patience drain out of me. Whiny kids fighting with each other over silly things, markers on chairs, the proverbial spilled milk — and I will just sometimes lose it. I will get angry and tell them to go play in their room. I don't want to have a teachable moment. I don't want to figure out whose toy it was in the first place. I want to just rip it from their hands and throw it in the trash. I will get frustrated with all the "stuff" we have and wonder why I don't just get rid of it all. And then I inevitably calm down and realize how immature I was just behaving. A wave of guilt will rush over me and I think back to the early morning hour and think, "Well, that 'quiet time' was a waist. A lot of good that did my attitude." I will feel defeated in those moments of not being the mom I know I can be. Crushed under the weight of my own guilt, under the weight of knowing I have to teach them but just not having the right heart in that moment.
This chapter offered some real insight into those hurtful cycles. Voskamp asks herself, "What compels me to name these moments upheavals and annoyances instead of grace and gift? Why deprive myself of joy's oxygen?" And the answer she said was swift—"Because you believe in the power of the pit" (page 125). This next paragraph got me. It got to my heart and tears flowed quickly. Because I knew what she was saying was right.

"Really? I lay my head on the table. Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love? That Satan's way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus' way? Why else get angry? Isn't it because I think complaining, exasperation, resentment will pound me up into the full life I really want? When I choose—and it is a choice—to crush joy with bitterness, am I not purposefully choosing to take the way of the Prince of Darkness? Choosing the angry way of Lucifer because I think it is more effective —more expedient—than giving thanks?"

I have been behaving poorly. Believing that getting angry with my kids will accomplish what I want is absurd. I am quick to react, quick to impatience, and quick to frustration. I am what the Proverbs clearly calls a fool. Ann's words hit hard. Do I really believe that anger achieves more than love? I must, since I am so quick to respond that way. I have to remember, constantly be reminded that I need a grateful heart. I am like a sheep, dumb and forgetful. I am so quick to forget that from His fullness, I have received blessing upon blessing, favor upon favor and gift upon gift. "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." John 1:14, 16
 And John Piper says, in one of his sermons, "If you want to be really alert to seeing Jesus’ divine beauty, his glory—the spiritual brightness that sets him apart as self-evidently real and true—then make sure you tune your senses to see his grace. That’s what his glory is full of." God has been using this pressure-cooker of a life to make me more like his Son, tuning my heart to see His grace. And I am very aware that I need His grace every minute of every day.

Sandra McCracken's song, Grace Upon Grace from The Builder and The Architect album, has also helped me to remember. This song has helped me tunes my senses and has been a beautiful reminder of His grace in my life. It helps me to remain thankful, instead of ungracious and unkind. It reminds me of the gospel, the life-giving, life-altering gospel.


In every station, new trials and new troubles
Call for more grace than I can afford
Where can I go but to my dear Savior
For mercy that pours from boundless stores.

CHORUS:
Grace upon grace, every sin repaired
Every void restored, you will find Him there
In every turning He will prepare you
With grace upon grace.

He made a way for the fallen to rise
Perfect in glory and sacrifice
In sweet communion my need He supplies
He saves and keeps and guards my life

To Thee I run now with great expectation
To honor You with trust like a child
My hopes and desires seek a new destination
and all that You ask Your grace will provide.

What songs remind you of God's grace? Did you read Chapter 7 in Ann's book? What lessons did you learn?


~cheryl~