It's not their fault

" . . .this releasing of sin and self, wasn't an act of will or effort, but the act of Christ and His grace all-sufficient. Overwhelming grace drew me to the Christ full of glory that I might empty of the self. I empty to become full. Full of grace . . . to fully live."  

- Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

"He must increase, but I must decrease." 

 John 3:30

 

It's not their fault. When I am running late and they forget their shoes. It's not their fault. When I get frustrated because I don't manage my own time, it's not their fault. When I am drowning in piles of laundry and they want to play, it's not their fault. When I want to talk to my friends and they are hungry for a snack, it's not their fault. And when they want to help me in the kitchen, it's not their fault that they aren't that helpful.

But in my sin, I forget this. I want to finish my agenda, my plans, check off the items on my to-do list. And in my selfishness I want to blame them. In my pride, I want a scapegoat for my lack of maturity, for my lack of patience.

The other day I hosted a play group and one of the little boys, who is just a one year old, knocked over his mom's coffee. She helped clean up, she didn't scold him, and then she picked him up and said, "It's okay, it was mommy's fault." 

I was so encouraged by her response. He was too young to understand and she was essentially saying she shouldn't expect him to know. I am thankful for her loving response to him. It showed a wisdom and a kindness that mothers have to learn. In front of all of her friends, she took the blame. She didn't get frustrated by his actions or get embarrassed. And I am thankful to call her friend, a Titus 2 sister.

These 5 years, oh these 5 years that have radically changed me. I am learning that just because we would die for our children and our mama bear instincts can kick it in at the drop of a criticism, being kind and selfless to our children does not come naturally. Despite what "they" tell you, liking your children does not come naturally. Because being kind and selfless doesn't come naturally apart from Christ. Liking our children, enjoying our children, fostering a deep relationship with them is tough stuff. It takes work, it takes dying to self. It takes a whole lot of patience and tedious play. And it takes the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives to not get frustrated, angry and downright selfish. It takes maturity and realizing it's not their fault. It takes remembering the grace of God in our lives in order to extend that grace to little lives he has entrusted to us.


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