{reflecting}

I have been in a reflection sort of mood. I've been reminiscing about when the kids were all smaller - when I had no idea what I was doing. And all of this reflecting has made me absolutely LOVE the season of life I am in now. Seasons are so interesting. I am thankful that God designed our lives that way. I definitely think it is one of His many mercies toward us. Seasons are especially interesting when you realize that you are in the middle of one and can view it from the outside. I am in the season of "getting a taste of the 'bigger years,' while still knee deep in the 'little years.'" 

Iris is 18 months old and quite the clown. And this is the age that has always made me a bit kooky. Like crazy-lady-gonna-run-away kooky. But this time it's different. There is more grace, more patience. I am constantly comparing how different it was when Reed was this age. When I tell Iris that she can't do something, she turns it into a game - usually running off, with a maniacal laughter, and leaving a mess in her wake. When I would tell Reed that he couldn't do something, he would throw a huge, raging fit. Full on, thrown down, ugly hissy-fit. He would get SO angry and it would blow me away, make me angry, and humble me all at the same time. I would just sit and cry in defeat. Because even though I would discipline him and correct him, I would think that it was futile and get so discouraged. But God is so good, because I can look back at the me-then and say with confidence to the me-now that "It gets better!" All the hard work, all the training, all the correction and discipline pays off in huge ways. Because although their personalities are very different, what has really changed is me. I am different. I am a different mom then I was. All the prayers, that God would change my heart and that I would display the fruit of the Spirit, are paying off. God has done a work in me (with a long way still to go, mind you) and for that I am thankful.

I am also remembering how hard it is to take a toddler anywhere and actually carry on a conversation. I mean seriously. Iris is a storm of food on face, dirt in nails, vaseline in hair, and cereal on floor. "It's time to go, Iris," I tell her and she goes completely boneless as I mop the floor with her thighs all the way down to her pink converse. It is exhausting. She is exhausting. But I can breathe, give thanks, and press on, because I know this madness will end, and I know the time put into training now is and will be completely worth it. 

Because I have 3 big kids to prove it. They are actually like little people now. Well-behaved. Respectful. Polite. And overall, they are a blessing to be around and I like them, I actually like them. I am not embarrassed or worried about an outburst or temper tantrum from one of them. But here's the thing. My husband and I have put in the time of sowing seeds and God has done the growing. We have prayed, we have laughed (I have cried), and we have spent hours training, correcting, and disciplining. They weren't born this way and we didn't "get lucky," as if we hit the parenting jackpot and were given better-than-average kids. What is really happening is that we are reaping the harvest. We are reaping the joys of having children that are a joy to be around, not just for us, but for others as well. We have always prayed that our children would bless others. That they would cause people to stop and consider the words in Psalms 127 that children are a blessing from the Lord. That they aren't just little consumers using up the earth's resources. That all kids don't spit in the face of their elders while they play on their smart phones. This blessing, this joy to be around is not just a sentiment that we wished for. It is one that we fought for. We have interceded for them and pleaded with God. And He has used our broken, sinful selves to bring about His grace in their lives, because He is a good and loving God that desires for us to be sanctified completely and thereby blessing our children. The seeds - the training, tears and prayers - were sown and we are reaping a harvest that is worth it all. 

Enjoying our children, liking our children, fostering a deep relationship with them is tough stuff. It is the work of plowing and digging up the soil even when the sun has set and we are bone-tired. It takes hard work, it takes dying to self. And it takes the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives to not get frustrated, angry and downright selfish. It takes remembering the grace of God and setting our eyes on Christ in order to extend that grace to little lives He has entrusted to us.

miscellany monday {fourth child observations}

Ever since Iris was born, I have had a running list of things that I have noticed since we became a family of six.    

Iris at 6 weeks old   

• First, everyone comments on how she looks like one of her siblings. I have yet to hear that she resembles one of the parents who actually conceived her.
• The only time I have heard that she looked like me was from the sweet, random 80 yr old in the store. I thanked her for feeding my unfortunate narcissism.
• People assume that I have it all down now that I have 4. And I have absolutely no problem letting them believe it.
• Conversely, people allow me tons of grace for NOT having it all together. "Oh, it's okay," they say, "you have 4 kids, I'm doing good with just 2." "Don't worry that you're 45 minutes late." And I am thankful that the expectation bar has been lowered. Because that's how I like to roll, people. Always lowering the bar, always lowering the bar. 
• People tell me that she must be laid back since she's the fourth. I can remember hearing that when Reed was born and I got a rude awakening. He was and is not laid back, and in fact, he is very obstinate and let's just say, passionate. So I think it depends on the child's personality. So far, Iris, is shaping up to be more like Patrick and Meadow - calm and content. Saige and Reed favor their momma - emotional passionate and opinionated we'll say.
• I hear a lot of "God bless you," when I have all four of them in the store. I used to hear "you've got your hands full," but I guess people just jump straight to, "Holy crap, she's is crazy," and they just give me the sympathetic "God bless you."
• I get a lot of random people telling me all about their grandchildren, which I love by the way. I guess they feel like they can tell me, because apparently I love children. Oh and they usually think I am even more awesome since many of them (the grandmothers) have a friend named Iris.
• If you go to lunch with other moms with multiple children, bringing the total to 10 kids you may or may not be asked if you're part of a daycare. True story.

KAPOW! The AMAZING Super Baby on the attack!
(Iris at 6 months)

Happy Monday!!

 

miscellany monday {april matters}

1. Idleness, gossips and busybodies

Nancy Ann Wilson, wrote an article that really challenged me titled, "Daughters and Boredom."  

 "And we need to see the value of keeping our little girls busy too. Boredom and idleness lead to grumpiness and annoyance, and make fertile ground for fault-finding and tattling. Little girls who indulge in the sins of tattling and tale-bearing can grow up to become gossips and busybodies." Read the rest here.

First it challenged me as a woman to not be idle and to not be a busybody. My natural tendency is to be lazy, so this was a great reminder of what we are called to do - namely, being faithful with our time. I am also thankful to be reading it while my daughters are still young, so that I can set a good example for them and encourage them to be hard workers. But even if your daughters are grown up, or you don't have any, Wilson also encourages grandmothers in this as well.

2. Motherhood in the little things  

My friends and I have been talking a lot about this article that Rachel Jankovic (Nancy Ann Wilson's daughter) recently posted. She hits it on the nail again when it comes to being a mother in the little things. I encourage you to read it! 

"Organization and dishwasher running are not the only things that are little about motherhood. Your days are full of little questions, little answers, little puzzles, little problems, little concerns. Little disobedience. Big disobedience over little things. This can be very discouraging to any mother. What have I ever done that was important? What, in the course of my regular day, matters? Is this hot new system for containing playmobil really as big of an accomplishment as I think it is? What happened to me that I think this is important?"

Read the entire article here.

 3. Speaking of not being idle  

I am totally nesting. And I love it. I bought a bunch of fabric and have caught the sewing bug. I made these for a friend who is having a baby boy soon. My only regret was that she was the guinea pig and they came out okay, but definitely could have been done better. I didn't take a picture of them, but I did take a picture of the ones I started my baby girl. Below is the source and then next is part of what I have done so far.

  

via pinterest

 

4. Cutting for Stone

I am currently reading Cutting for Stone, by Abraham Verghese and am nearly finished. I have enjoyed it for the most part. It has been a little slow, but it's held my attention, which is saying a lot in this phase of my life. And I don't know if it's because my life is going to radically change in July, but I have been wanting to read more than I have in a long time. So I am really excited to pick up a copy of The House at Riverton that my sister-in-law, Laura, recommended. Another friend recommended, The Kitchen House, but I haven't been able to locate a copy of that one yet. If you have one, could I borrow it? Also, if you've read Cutting for Stone, I would love to hear your thoughts!

5. Traditional Easter pics

 

Happy Monday, y'all!

 

   

Sin is Never the Only Option

Ever since I wrote this post, I have been chewing on the meaning of this verse from 1 Corinthians:

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

I think this is the verse that people take and misuse the phrase: "God will never give you more than you can handle." But as I stated in the previous post, this verse says nothing about circumstances, it clearly states that you will not be tempted beyond what you can handle. So what does that look like in real life. What are the sort of temptations Paul is talking about? In context, he is reminding the Corinthians of how the Israelites had been an idolatrous, grumbling nation and a lot of the letter was written to rebuke the Corinthians for their selfishness and unwillingness to put others first. He is encouraging them to remember that in their temptation, God, who is faithful, will provide the strength to escape it. Sin will never be the only option for those who are in Christ. When I used to read this verse, I would read temptation and think "big sins," like stealing or lying. But it wasn't until recently, the Lord showed me that it's also talking about our temptation to subtler sins, such as, selfishness, pride and envy. The Corinthians were tempted to only think of themselves and I can surely relate to that.
I can easily fall into the day to day grumbling and complaining. "My life is so hard," "I never get any sleep," "I just want to have an adult conversation," "Can I just pee by myself for once in 5 years?!" But I am rebuked and encouraged again and again by this verse. The temptation to get frustrated with my kids for not obeying, for talking back, for just being kids and asking 1,000 questions a day is not beyond what I can endure with the help of the Holy Spirit. The temptation to cling to "my rights" and to what "I deserve," passes when I stop and ask Jesus for help. And I remember Jesus' words, that those who lose their life for His sake will find it (Mat. 10:39). So this has been my prayer as of late:

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead..." Ephesians 1:18-20

In Christ, I am not tempted beyond what I can bear. Praise Jesus.

 





  

Little Cyclones

Almost every night, when I shut the door to Reed's room (after shutting the girls' door with Saige still talking), I walk into the living room and sigh as loud as I possibly can and flop down on the couch. And it is one of the best feelings after a very long day. All I want to do at that point is absolutely nothing. I get to sit there and not feel guilty about it. For me this is somewhat of a Sabbath rest. I have a difficult time resting without feeling like I need to be doing something else (the laundry, the dishes, etc). But every night, I completely enjoy my guilt-free rest. I sit with Patrick and we talk about the day and then usually watch one of the shows we've DVR'd or if I am by myself, I catch up on Downton Abbey.
Recently, I have been reminded graciously, by people that have children out of the house, that our kids are so busy and that they can hardly remember what that was like to have little ones. And in those moments, I feet justified by my weariness and am also humbled by the very fact that it goes by so fast. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that the constant chaos and busyness that children bring is not going to be my forever normal. And more importantly, I don't need to feel guilty for being so exhausted and spent at the end of the day. Check out this quote from C.S. Lewis in a letter he once wrote:

"My brother and I have just had the experience of an American lady to stay with us accompanied by her two sons, aged 9 1/2 and 8. Whew! Lovely creatures — couldn’t meet nicer children — but the pace! I realize I have never respected young married people enough and never dreamed of the Sabbath calm which descends on the house when the little cyclones have gone to bed and all the grown-ups fling themselves into chairs and the silence of exhaustion." Read others ones here.

At the same time, it's nice to be reminded that these days will come to an end, and I need to remember to cherish them now.  These pictures remind me of just how much I need to relish these moments. Because I can remember them like it was yesterday...

 

Let the Craziness Continue

Oh blog, how I have neglected thee. I am without motivation or inspiration but there is a reason and I do believe you'll agree it's a pretty decent one.

Never say never. Never agree to be done with kids just so you can get a dog. Don't put God in a box and assume you know His plan for your life. And never say that you don't get morning sickness. Those are just a few lessons I have learned recently. I have been humbled and blessed all within in a matter of months. Because we found out that we are expecting Baby #4 in July.

Saige started spilling the beans right when we found out so I have been having to tell people a bit sooner than I had anticipated. She's a little chatty cathy and told my parents before I even had a chance to! :) But it's wonderful news and we couldn't more thrilled.

So welcome to Crazyville. Stay awhile. Because apparently we are. And here's to letting the craziness continue . . .








   

Excuse me, there is work to be done

I didn't think I could do it. 
I didn't think I could go for a run yesterday afternoon. 
But I put on my running clothes that morning, hoping it would encourage me to go later. Nap time rolled around and I was dreading the inevitable question from Patrick, the one I also needed to answer myself, "Are you going to go for a run?" I sat there and wanted to whine, wanted to make excuses. 
But I decided I would stand up, put on my shoes, put on my earphones and step outside. I wasn't feeling 100% and we still had church that evening so I would be pushing it to get back in time to get showered and all of the kids ready.
But once I stepped outside, I just told myself to do the minimum of 30 minutes. I ended up getting a second wind at 30 and ran for 50 minutes. This wasn't one of my better days considering I am running a half in January, but it'll do. 
You know why?
Because I did it. 
I shut my mouth, turned off my brain and just did it.

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

I don't think it's always a good idea to compare Scripture to physical exercise. But I do think there is something to be said about how our minds affect our bodies and vice versa. This is the type of discipline that I pray seeps into the rest of my life. I tend to over think, over analyze, and over worry. When I am in a funk and don't do the task at hand, I just sink deeper into the bad mood. I want to learn to move through something even though I don't want to do it. I am praying for the discipline to just plow through, despite how I am feeling.  I saw this on John Piper's status the other day and was like, "YES!": 
 

"Tears, I feel you. You make me want to quit life. But excuse me, the Master has given me work to do."

So excuse me, laziness and apathy, there is work to be done. There are lunches to be made, clothes to be washed, friends to be called, and a husband to love. So excuse me, as I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, and get some work done.

 

Dear Meadow,

 

Dearest Meadow,

You are four years old and your Daddy and I can hardly believe it! Everyone keeps telling me that kids grow fast and this year I am definitely beginning to believe it. 

You are so special and I am still trying to figure you out. :) You are a lot like your Daddy (and I can't figure him out either). It has been fun watching him defend you in situations where I think you are just being ornery. He gets you, he understands you, and when that happens I just laugh and thank God that your Daddy understands why you do the things you do. You are kind and generous. You are quick to help out. And you just love life - taking it all in stride. You love your family, you love to snuggle (especially with Momma) and are content to just be with us. But you also adapt well in new situations and make friends very easily. You love to laugh and make other people laugh, especially your brother (I think Reed is one of your biggest fans and one day you'll appreciate that). You are mischievous curious, and you are sincerely funny. Once again, you get that from your Daddy. You love real animals, stuffed animals, bugs, lizards, oh and shiny things. Girl, you love things that sparkle and shine. You love to put on my grandmothers sparkly necklaces and earrings, and you look so darling doing it. You also love the color green, pretty much any fruit or vegetable and you love to wear dresses. You are so special and so unique, Meadow Rae. Your Daddy and I love you to the moon and back and our hearts are full to the brim with gratefulness for God entrusting you in our care. We are looking forward to seeing you learn and grow this year, baby girl. We love you!

 

 

It's not their fault

" . . .this releasing of sin and self, wasn't an act of will or effort, but the act of Christ and His grace all-sufficient. Overwhelming grace drew me to the Christ full of glory that I might empty of the self. I empty to become full. Full of grace . . . to fully live."  

- Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

"He must increase, but I must decrease." 

 John 3:30

 

It's not their fault. When I am running late and they forget their shoes. It's not their fault. When I get frustrated because I don't manage my own time, it's not their fault. When I am drowning in piles of laundry and they want to play, it's not their fault. When I want to talk to my friends and they are hungry for a snack, it's not their fault. And when they want to help me in the kitchen, it's not their fault that they aren't that helpful.

But in my sin, I forget this. I want to finish my agenda, my plans, check off the items on my to-do list. And in my selfishness I want to blame them. In my pride, I want a scapegoat for my lack of maturity, for my lack of patience.

The other day I hosted a play group and one of the little boys, who is just a one year old, knocked over his mom's coffee. She helped clean up, she didn't scold him, and then she picked him up and said, "It's okay, it was mommy's fault." 

I was so encouraged by her response. He was too young to understand and she was essentially saying she shouldn't expect him to know. I am thankful for her loving response to him. It showed a wisdom and a kindness that mothers have to learn. In front of all of her friends, she took the blame. She didn't get frustrated by his actions or get embarrassed. And I am thankful to call her friend, a Titus 2 sister.

These 5 years, oh these 5 years that have radically changed me. I am learning that just because we would die for our children and our mama bear instincts can kick it in at the drop of a criticism, being kind and selfless to our children does not come naturally. Despite what "they" tell you, liking your children does not come naturally. Because being kind and selfless doesn't come naturally apart from Christ. Liking our children, enjoying our children, fostering a deep relationship with them is tough stuff. It takes work, it takes dying to self. It takes a whole lot of patience and tedious play. And it takes the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives to not get frustrated, angry and downright selfish. It takes maturity and realizing it's not their fault. It takes remembering the grace of God in our lives in order to extend that grace to little lives he has entrusted to us.


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